Worry--the guest that no one misses

As long as I can remember, I've been a worrier. A thinker. A planner.

What if X happens? I ask myself. And then I figure out what I'll do.

Sometimes this pays off. Last month, someone asked me how it was that we traveled successfully when our kids were young, and I realized in answering her that most of it could be summed up as, "Luck. And thinking about what could go wrong and finding ways to prevent it from happening."

However, my thinking and planning and worrying usually continues past the point of diminishing returns.

A few months ago, I was thinking and planning and worrying about stress during the last few months of the year. Between cross-country season and fall play and back to school and Spanish and Boy Scouts and my in-laws visiting and my husband traveling and all four kids having birthdays and Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas . . . there was a lot of potential stress. How could I have less of it?

I considered the number of commitments on my calendar and realized that I felt comfortable with that aspect of it. My choices had been carefully considered, and they were still right.

And clearly, I couldn't move the birthdays or the holidays.

What to do?

Maybe, I thought, maybe I can do what I need to do without stressing about it.

So I decided to give it a try.

Do the next thing.

Don't force decisions before they have to happen.

Trust it will all work out.

Sufficient to the day is the evil task thereof.

And you know what? It's working.

True, I paid $10 for $5 worth of Halloween candy to arrive at my college student's apartment before November. My husband wisely moved away from the counter and gnashed his teeth in a different part of the post office while I completed that transaction.

And we had a slight hiccup when I missed the deadline for ordering a wreath from my son's school fundraiser.

But you know what? When the wreaths arrived at school, I asked if they happened to have any extra I could purchase. And they did.

So, other than a few dollars' worth of postage that I could have saved, my new don't-stress plan has not had any downsides.

That's a small price to pay for a less-stressed me.

Ten things of thankful: election week

What a week. Adjusting to it being pitch black at 5:00 in the evening. The election (very bad news in our household). Tech week for the high school play. My second week of solo parenting.

So glad it's behind us.

That said, there were still things to be thankful for.

1. $10 ski boots. Yes, you read that right. There's only one zero. A neighboring town had their annual winter sports equipment consignment sale. Kid 4 said his toes were barely touching in his ski boots from last year and felt comfortable enough that he didn't need new boots. But he's 11, and this is not my first circus. I don't trust eleven-year-old feet. They grow at the most inconvenient times, and suddenly your kid is limping onto the concert floor because the required black shoes have overnight become two sizes too small.

So, I insisted we go bright and early to the sale to see if we could pick up a cheap pair of boots one size up, "just in case."

The woman fitting him said she's surprised he claimed the other boots are comfortable, because he fits the next size up quite nicely. And she found a pair that was $10. Ten dollars. It made my day.She recommended getting his bindings adjusted for the new boots and using them all season. We also found a good deal on ski pants for him and for me.

2. Library holds. The library emailed earlier this week to say that the book I had placed on hold had arrived. It was returned on a Thursday, and since it is new and I can't ever get to the library midweek, it would have been long gone by Saturday if not for the hold system.

3. Blue skies. I feel a little guilty about this one, because we are in a drought, but it's been nice to have blue skies and sun this weekend. It can rain all it wants during the week to make up for it.

4. Skype. I had two video chats with my husband this week, which is a nice change from texting. Kid 1 and I also Skyped, until our internet stopped cooperating and we switched to phone.

5. Cheap long distance. I live clear across the country from my family and from some very close friends. Saturday I had three lengthy long-distance phone calls. I can remember in my early childhood when a long-distance call was a Very Big Deal, and I'm so glad I can connect with those I love without worrying about the bill, on either side.

6. Hugs. I went seeking sugar on the morning after the election, and ran into a friend at the local bakery. She came up to me, said, "You look like you could use a hug," and hugged me. I hadn't realized until she said that how very much I did need a hug. Sometimes, when there are no words, hugs communicate best.

7. Kid 4's passion for all the things there are to learn and do in this world. And I need to remind myself that I really am grateful for this, because for the last few days, he has been pushing hard to add tai kwon do to the mix and it's just not going to work. I think he has finally heard me, at least for now. I think this because he is sighing dejectedly every time we're in the same room.

8. My Pilates class. Between one thing and another (mostly on the teacher's end), this was my first class in 6 weeks. I was dreading it just a bit, because it's always rough when you've been away from it that long, but at the same time, I knew my back would feel so much better afterwards. And it does.

9. Lavender pillow spray. My husband gets headaches from a lot of scents, so I rarely get to use it, but when he travels, I indulge. I don't know if it actually helps me sleep better, but it smells nice.

10. Voices of calm and  hope in the wake of the election. I especially appreciated the post 9 Real, Actionable Things We Can Do About Trump and the multiple repostings of this illustrated guide to what to do if you see harassment.

Ten things of thankful

Every week, my sister hosts a "Ten Things of Thankful" blog round up over at Thankful Me. I'm giving it a try this week.

So, in roughly chronological order, here are some things I was thankful for this week.

1. Halloween. I love Halloween in New England, especially when, like this year, we don't have to deal with rain or snow. It's more of a community event than I remember it being when I lived in Utah or Oregon. Each town has its own particular quirks: the house that hands out baggies of fresh popcorn; the house that gives extra candy to kids who do a trick (jokes count); the house that plays opera on outside speakers; the house with the sound of a chainsaw coming from the barn, the house that hands out jello shots (in plastic containers so you can consume them after you drive the kids home) to the parents.

This year, only Kid 4 was young enough to go trick-or-treating, and he and his friends lobbied to go around the village without parental chaperones. The parents discussed it and agreed--as long as the kids agreed to check in via walkie-talkie throughout the evening.

I also made Kid 4's costume with visibility in mind. Which brings me to . . .

2. Pushing the envelope. I almost always buy Halloween costumes, but for some reason, when Kid 4 and I started talking about his costume this year, I began by doing a Pinterest search for easy no-sew Halloween costumes. A jellyfish costume caught Kid 4's eye, and he confessed to having wanted to be a jellyfish the previous year.

Crafting is so not my strength, but I was able to put something together that was recognizably a jellyfish. And it was white, and had LED lights, so kiddo was extra visible for his first unchaperoned trick-or-treat.

3. Fun field trips. Kid 4 got to spend Friday night in the Boston Science Museum. I am thankful for the adults who rode in a bus and slept on a museum floor to give him that opportunity.

4. Great local theater. Friday night, I went to see a great production of a play by a local playwright.  I live within 15 minutes of three community theaters, but this one is our "home" theater, so I knew almost everyone involved with the production. I drove home on a theater high.

5. My kids' cross-country coach. Eight years ago, Kid 1 came home from 7th grade and told us he had joined the cross-country team. Privately, my husband and I agreed this wouldn't last two weeks. Kid 1 ran all through high school, and the twins joined up when they got to 7th grade. The coach is a character, prone to putting his foot in his mouth. He also loves running and loves the kids, and he fosters determination and team spirit better than anyone I've met. My kids are blessed to have him in their lives.

6. Cross-country meets. Yesterday was the final cross-country meet of the season for my kids. After dropping the kids off at school to ride the bus, my friend (whose son is also on the team) and I went out to breakfast before driving to the meet. We arrived early enough to walk the course, which was especially scenic, even this late in the fall. It was cold, but we lucked out and had only a little rain. Spending the day outside, chatting with parents, cheering on the kids, and watching the kids cheer on each other is one of my favorite things about fall.

One of the runners on the team is . . . not fast. He is running because he wants to share the activity with an older brother, but running is not his gift. He comes in minutes after the next slowest member of the team. And yet, when he hits the home stretch, he has a crowd of teammates cheering him on.

7. Pumpkin-stuffed French toast, with whipped cream and real maple syrup. It completely violated my post-Halloween vow to eat healthier, but it was worth it.

8. My small group at church. As part of preparing to be received into the Episcopal church last month, I met regularly with the priest and the other people preparing for reception. We found our time together so enriching, we decided to keep meeting even after our reception. We met today and had a lively discussion on All Saints Day and what sainthood means to us.

 9. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Kid 2, Kid 4, and I started watching this together on Halloween. They are enjoying it as much as I thought they would, and I'm enjoying sharing it with them.

10. Reading time. Kid 4 and I started a new read aloud this week. I'm glad he still likes being read to.