Ten things of thankful: January edition

I intended to finish this post in time to join in the Ten Things of Thankful blog hop, but then the energy I would have spent on blogging went to working on the photo albums.

Thanks to the Sorta Awesome podcast, I've been thinking more about energy, how much I have, and how I choose the spend it. No answers yet, but I feel like I'm close to some new insights. I might write more about that later.

In the meantime, here are ten things I'm thankful for this month.

1. Safe travels

We had a lot of travel this month. Oldest son traveled back to his final semester of college. The rest of us went to Boston for a convention we attend every year. I flew straight from there to Austin for work, while Michael drove home with the kids, got them settled, and then left the next morning for Ecuador. Then I flew home from Austin at the end of the week. Amazingly, all the trips went smoothly.

2. Helpful friends and neighbors

Although our twins are 18 and responsible enough for us to leave the kids home alone, none of them drive yet, so my work trip was only possible because friends and neighbors helped with transportation, mostly for Kid 4, who had skiing and basketball while I was gone.

3. Responsible kids

I'm sure media consumption was through the roof while we were gone, but I appreciate how responsible our kids are.

4. Good books

I'm shifting my reading habits a bit this year--giving myself permission to abandon highly rated books that aren't clicking with me at this time--and so far I've really enjoyed the books I've finished. So far, I've read Until I Say Goodbye, When Breath Becomes Air, and Killers of the Flower Moon, as well as an unfinished novel. I dipped my toes in several books before settling on The Bear and the Nightingale as my current read.

5. Yoga

I've been working to incorporate a more regular nighttime yoga practice. My record is spotty, but when I manage to do even 10 minutes, I find my back feels so much better.

6. Good shows

The need for a good binge-watch has been building for a couple of months, and January seemed a good time to indulge. I loved The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (although if you're reading this and you're related to me, I wouldn't recommend it), and I've started The Crown.

7. Being able to predict which beer I will like

This is, admittedly, a small thing. But I have finally figured out how to look at a beer menu and know which one I will enjoy.

8. Escape rooms

The six of us tried one over Thanksgiving and had a great time, although we didn't escape. When I was in Austin, I went to one with a group of coworkers, and we beat the room! Although we discovered at the end that one of the things that we were supposed to need a combination for was dummy locked, and opened when one of the guys pulled on it just to see. These could turn into an expensive habit.

9. Scented candles

Michael gave me a delicious scented candle for Christmas, and I like it so much that I bought another in a different scent from the same company. It's a great winter mood lifter, and it has zero calories!

10.My standing desk converter

Years ago, I looked for one of these and didn't find any, but the market has since caught up, and for less than $150 I bought a wooden platform that I can raise or lower to convert my desk from sitting height to standing height. I enjoy alternating positions during my workday, and my back feels much better at the end of my day.

No and Yes: New Year

Hat tip to The Simple Show for giving me the No and Yes framework. Also, if you haven't seen The Lazy Genius post on How to Set Goals Like a Normal Person, I highly recommend it. I found it after I had set my plan for this year, but there's wisdom for future years.

Things I say No to about the new year

Staying up until midnight

I'm a lark, not a night owl, and I've finally realized that doesn't magically change on New Year's Eve. Staying up until midnight inevitably leads to me starting the new year feeling sluggish, which totally loves the clean slate, fresh start feeling I so appreciate.

Strict resolutions

I struggle with any goal that requires me to do something every day. I'm just not able to give myself grace when I stumble, as I know I will. Strict resolutions ensure that I will feel like a failure by about January 3.

Lots of resolutions

As I've written before, I used to plan to completely reform all aspects of my life each January 1. Eventually, I clued into the reality that I was setting the same resolutions every year, so clearly this wasn't working.

Not doing anything

There have been years when I haven't set any resolutions or intentions or goals at all for the new year, and although I'm confident that was the right call for those years, it's not the right call for this year.

Word of the Year

I tried it, honestly I did. For 2017, my word (OK, phrase) was Mindful Order. I did spend part of the year working on order and mindfulness, but overall I found having a word for the year insufficiently inspiring. When I look back on 2017, I am dissatisfied with my personal growth. There's the possibility that I just picked a bad word, but 2017 was the most successful of my attempts to have a word of the year, so I'm comfortable declaring this method is not effective for me right now.

Things I say Yes to about the new year

Making it fun

I'm a regular listener of Happier with Gretchen Rubin, and on episode 149, Gretchen and Elizabeth talk about their "18 for 2018" lists--eighteen things they are planning to do in 2018. I thought this was a great cure for the dissatisfaction I felt with 2017, so I jumped on the bandwagon. My 18 things range from the ambitious to the silly, but I'm looking forward to all of them. (OK, except one. I am only looking forward to having painted the laundry room, not actually painting it.)

Being very selective about habits

In addition to my 18 things, I am trying to add two new habits--one daily and one weekly--to my life this year. Two. Not twelve. And unlike some of my past habit goals, these are actually goals I want to accomplish, not goals I want to want to accomplish. Big difference.

Focusing on the end of the year

In the past, when I set resolutions about habits, my thinking was always that I wanted to execute the new behavior perfectly from January 1 on. This year, I am focused on making the desired behaviors habitual by the end of the year. I've already missed one day in my daily habit. In the past, that would have discouraged me. Now, I just think, "Well, I've done this five days more than I did last week. I'm benefiting from those five days."

Ten things of thankful: First Sunday of Advent

A week ago today, I was on a plane returning from Thanksgiving in Utah. Today, I was shocked to realize that Christmas is three weeks from tomorrow.

1. Completely smooth travel on one of the busiest travel days of the year. Truly, our flights went off without a hitch, and although it was snowing when we landed late at night, the drive home was safely this side of white-knuckle. Even the deer milling around in the middle of the state highway didn't interrupt our travel for more than a minute.

2. Three of my four kids are now adults! At least on paper. Kid 2 and Kid 3 turned 18 on Monday. There have been days (mostly in those first couple of years) where getting us all to their 18th birthday with health and sanity intact seemed like a lofty goal, but we made it. Mostly. If you consider us sane. I know parenting doesn't end once they turn 18, but it does feel like an important milestone.

3. Watching Kid 4 play basketball. I have mixed feelings about adding this into our schedule, but he is having a great time playing on a team with his friends, and I love watching him. Plus, it's great exercise.

4. Spotify playlists. I've been a long-time Pandora listener, but the lure of seasonal playlists enticed me over to Spotify earlier in the fall. I created a Thanksgiving playlist (so easy! and you don't have to own the songs on your playlist!), and today I've been listening to an Advent playlist from one of my favorite podcasters.

5. Checking things off on the college list. Kid 3 is taking a gap year after high school, but Kid 2 has been deep in the application process all fall. This week, he turned in a couple of applications. It's nice to get some of them crossed off the list.

6. Attending the Messiah with Kid 3. Well, about half the Messiah. Apparently, the orchestra objects to performing the whole thing. (I don't blame them. Handel is liberal with the 16th notes for the violins.) This is our fifth year attending, and I enjoy it more each time. It's performed in a small Catholic church with great acoustics, and it's a very peaceful start to December.

7. The high school music concert. The music program at our high school is wonderful, and I always enjoy the band and choir concerts. Kid 2 and Kid 3 both sing tenor in the choir, and they did a great job.

8. Being home with Michael for the first time since mid-October. First, we had a weekend in Nashville with friends, then he was traveling for work, then we were in Utah for Thanksgiving. All good things, but it's nice to have some "normal" time again.

9. Kid 1 is coming home! He decided to return home after he finishes his final college class in a couple of weeks and stay here while looking for what he jokingly called "his big-boy job." I'm thrilled to have him home for the holidays, as it was looking like that wasn't going to happen this year.

10. Advent. My Christmas experience improved dramatically when I added Advent observance, and it continues to bring calm and peace to December. I'll (hopefully) blog more about Advent in the weeks ahead.

No and yes: senior year

I've half-dreaded this school year since my twins were born. I know from experience that senior year can be stressful with one child.
But trying to guide two kids through the college application process?

There is not enough chocolate in the world to cope with the stress, thought I. Thank goodness it's a long way off.

And then I blinked, and here we are.

But I was listening to The Simple Show a couple of weeks ago, and thought I would apply the No and Yes format to this situation.

So, here are the things I say No to about the twins' senior year of high school:

Aggrandizing decisions

Where they go to school is important, but it is not The Big Decision of their lives. There is no One Right School that will magically give them a wonderful life that will be forever out of their reach if they go somewhere else.

Letting the college search overshadow life

This is not only the year they apply to college, it is also their last year living at home. I want to enjoy it, and that means spending a lot of time talking about Anything But College.

Ignoring Kid4 or my husband

Family life needs balance, and that can't happen if I become obsessed or overly stressed about the college search.

Hiding

To somewhat counter everything above, the college application process does need to happen, and that means I need to stay engaged. Retreating to my room with a book, chocolate, and wine is not an approach that works long-term, although I fully expect I'll employ it at least once or twice.

And here are the things I say Yes to about the twins' senior year of high school:

Scheduled check-ins

My kids loathe it when parents bring up stressful subjects without warning. Parent says something, kid reacts out of stress, parent reacts to the kid's stressed reaction, and so forth until everyone is stressed and angry.

In an attempt to head those exchanges off before they happen, I have declared Sundays at 1 PM our Hot Chocolate College Chats. One hour to focus on the college application process. If something occurs to me during the week, I am going to write it down and bring it up on Sunday.

Automated nagging

We already have a family Google calendar, and I fully intend to use it for all college-admissions-related reminders. Let technology be the bad guy instead of me.

Being involved

I want to be involved in this to the extent the kids will let me. Right now that mostly looks like facilitating college visits and helping with internet searches, but I expect I'll be reading essays before long.

Enjoying our time together

I want to sink into this year and relish every moment of connection and joy.

Ten things of thankful: Not moving edition

I learned on Wednesday morning that we will not be moving this summer as we had hoped.

We really wanted this move to come through. It truly seemed the best thing for us as a family and for my career. There were a lot of items in the Pro column, and we wanted those pros.

I devoted Wednesday afternoon to an intense internal temper tantrum and pity party. Thursday was spent wondering what this says about my relative value to my company. It was Friday before I could bring myself to tell extended family. And ever since, we've been trying to figure out What Comes Next.

But even on Wednesday afternoon, I was aware enough to know that this is not the end of the world. Many people I know and love are going through much, much, much worse. Seriously, this doesn't even make the list.

So, to help drive that point home, I challenged myself to come up with 10 things I am thankful for about not moving. I am writing this as I think. Let's see if I can get to 10.

1. My twins can graduate from high school with the kids they've gone to school with since preschool. I know! What kind of crazy parent moves her kids right before senior year? (The kind who thinks CA in-state tuition is a good thing.)


2. My youngest can finish elementary school with the kids he's gone to school with since kindergarten. They go on a sixth-grade trip in May and have a graduation ceremony in the evening with speeches and everything.

3. Another cross-country season. Here, as many kids as want to run can be on the cross-country team. The move would have put our kids at a much, much, much larger school. (Not hard to do.) The odds of them making the cut to be on a team were slim. I love our cross-country team, and I'm thrilled that Kid2 has another year. (Kid3 is considering not running this year.)

4. Another New England fall. Fall up here really is as amazing as the rumors say. I'm going to soak up every minute of it.

5. More time in my office. The office of this house is amazing. I know I will never have another office like it.

6. More wildlife. Although our creatures are nowhere near as tame as the deer on my parents' property (those guys are seriously blasé about humans), we've seen goshawks, turtles, bear, deer, beavers, porcupines, and owls. Not to mention all the frogs, salamanders, toads, squirrels, and chipmunks you could ever want.

7. More time to tick the last few boxes. Although it feels like we've done all the tourist things to death, due to the age spread of our kids, Kid4 either hasn't done some things or can't remember them.

8. Easier transition to driving for Kid2. We drive late on my side of the family, and so far, our kids are all taking after me. Kid2 has his permit, but not his license, and staying here for another year will give him time to develop his skills in a calm driving environment before tackling the big city.

9. Easier time zone for work. Even though the move would have put me in an office on a regular basis for the first time since 2003, I would have still spent a lot of time on the phone with people in other time zones. Eastern time works better for my natural rhythms. If I have quiet time, it's early in the morning, which is my best time for getting in the flow and working on key projects.

10. More breakfast dates with Michael. Typically, when we are both home, we go out to breakfast one morning a week. We're both morning people, and we both love breakfast food. Even though I hoped to work from home one or two days a week even after the move, breakfast dates would have been hard to schedule (see #9).

Hey! I made it. And I can think of a couple more good things about not moving this summer--like more time to declutter and finish home repair tasks before putting the house on the market, chatting with my husband in between meetings, and getting to wear comfy clothes every single day.

Again, not the Pros list I was hoping for, but I might as well try to enjoy the list Fate handed me.

Ten things of thankful: Summer arrived!

After a very long wait (see my previous post), we are basking in summer. In fact, I am writing this post on my deck.

After the office, the deck is my favorite part of this house. Now that the trees have fulled leafed, it is in shade all day long, so I don't need to worry about sunburns. There is a hammock for naps, a comfy chair for when I want to sit upright, and a great view of the bird feeder.

I also love the sounds from the deck: the brook across the road, the bamboo wind chimes, and the birds, including the neighbors' chickens and ducks.

Right now, our lilacs are having their best year ever, and the scent is heavy in the air, especially when the wind blows.

This has been a great year for flowers all around. In some cases we know why--Michael gave the lilac bushes an aggressive pruning two years ago--but others are a mystery. What made the apple trees so beautiful this spring? Why did more daffodils bloom this year? As we move from spring into summer, it appears that every blooming plant is having a great year.

I'm trying to enjoy it and not erode some of the joy by thinking, "I bet next year is going to be a real disappointment." (For those of you wondering about the move, we still don't have an official answer, but it's beginning to feel physically impossible to move cross-country before school starts. Can you even book movers on this short notice?)

For the second year, our bird feeder has attracted a wider variety of birds than we saw when we first got here. Among the more colorful and amusing: goldfinches, cardinals, nuthatches, and purple finches.The indigo sadly didn't stick around our yard, but I caught a flash of him on my walk the other day.

One of the things I don't like about where we live is how buggy it can get in the summer. Bugs love me. I taste great, and my wardrobe contains a lot of blue, which they are attracted to. I started the summer trying to tough it out, going without bug spray or using the natural stuff I got at the farmers' market last year. Which smells great, but doesn't seem to actually keep the bugs off. A few days ago, when I realized I was sitting inside because I didn't want anymore itchy bites, I went rummaging and found a container of Off Deep Woods. I haven't had a bite since. 

I love the play of light through the trees. Whether I'm on the deck or in the house, life has an underwater feel during the summer.

Of course, there's a downside to having your forty-year-old cedar-shingled house surrounded by tall trees. Some areas of the siding have been nagging at me, and this week we had contractors come fix the worst of the areas. They'll be fixing two more areas in the weeks ahead. I get a jolt of pleasure every time I see the new shingles.

I almost wrote an entire post of thankfuls about my dad, since this is Father's Day, but as I thought of the things I would include, I realized it sounded very familiar. So, go read this post from 2013.

And I'm thankful for Michael, who is such a great dad to our kids. The teen years can be hard, and they don't make as much use of some of his strengths as the earlier parenting years (he's a rock star at parenting babies and toddlers), but he is constantly thinking of them and their future and the world we are creating for them to live in. And more immediately, when it's my turn to cook and I ask the kids what they want to eat for dinner, inevitably the first four things each kid mentions are things in Michael's repertoire, not mine.

And now I'm going to try to link up to the blog hop, which I'm embarrassingly bad at.

Summer will come eventually, right?

I am not a fan of hot weather. One of the things I love about where I live is that it never gets hot. It has literally never reached 100 degrees here since they started recording temperatures.

However.

It's June.

A daily high above 69 doesn't seem too much to ask, does it? We had a high of 70 one day last week, and the forecast shows 70 as the high this coming Saturday, but our projected high tomorrow, the 5th of June, is 59. Fifty-nine.

And, although I have the webbed feet you would expect from someone born and raised in Oregon, even I get tired of this much rain in the summer.

If I weren't aware that the world does not revolve around me, it would be tempting to draw a parallel between summer's extreme tardiness in arriving and my company's extreme tardiness in deciding whether we will be moving this summer.

But humans can only live poised on the knife of uncertainty and the unknown for so long before they fall over to one side or the other.

So, despite the weather, and despite the uncertainty, we are starting to make plans for summer, in the hope that the sun will break out, and clarity will come.

The twins are each taking a college class this summer. We've tentatively blocked out a week for a family vacation, and a destination for a couple's weekend getaway. There's an outdoor concert I want to attend, and I'm 90% sure I want to train for a 5k.

But I have decided not to plant tomatoes, even though we're finally past our last frost date.

The way this summer is looking, it's doubtful I would even get one to ripen.

I'm pretty sure you need sun for that. And temps over 69.